I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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