did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
