we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
