non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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