We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
