I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
