some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
