there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
