just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
