This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
