i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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