I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize