What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
