Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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