She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's shark week go big or go home
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
