My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
