You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
