Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
