i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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