hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
