dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
