Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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