The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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