I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
