You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
