if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
