I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
