there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
