My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
