so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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