we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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