Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
