Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
