I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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