forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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