well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize