i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
