They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So squirting runs in the family.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
