My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
