bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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