So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Did we literally take a cab across the street
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
