I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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