Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
