omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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