oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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