i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
