shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
