Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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