Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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