so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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