dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
