I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I will pee on everything he values.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
