Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
