I hate all girls vehemently.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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