I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
