I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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