im drinking this country out of the recession.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
