This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize