Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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