i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
