i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize