can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
