hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
