He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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