I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
