He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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