Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
3 2 1 whiskey
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
