oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
