you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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