You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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