He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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