someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
